Let's colour outside the lines a bit

I've lived quite a structured life. I love structure. It brings calmness and a sense of clarity and order in my life. I'm a planner. I love routine, a schedule. That's how I've lived my entire life. Simple and safe. 

Recently I've had the urge to just be. To just rest in the uncertainty that life brings and loosen up the somewhat stringent plans I had. This urge came when some of my plans/desires just weren't coming together. It got frustrating. I still don't know when some things will come to fruition. Some days I don't even know what I actually want in certain areas of my life. It's as if there's nothing to look forward to or work towards. It's hard to explain. For someone who plans and prepares, it's strange that I now find myself not knowing what I want exactly; not knowing what to plan and prepare for. I'm just winging it; going with the flow of life. Sounds risky but that's the stage I'm at currently. I change my mind every now and then, then get frustrated with myself. I get frustrated for not knowing what I want to become and how I want to best use my God-given gifts. But here's the thing: I'm just human. I'm allowed to not know everything; to not have a plan and the slightest idea about certain aspects of my life. 

I'm at a place where I'm beginning to be comfortable with trying this and that and being okay with some endeavors not working out.  I'm colouring outside the lines a bit and being okay with that splash of colour. It may look messy to some, but I call it living. I see bursts of living colour. I think I just got an epiphany: so during worship at church today, we sang "What I See" by Elevation Worship. We've sung this song a couple of times in the past but today this line stood out "I see bursts of living colour" and i had never noticed it before until today. It's been in my head all day as a result and I've been asking myself what God is trying to say to me, if anything. I just thought it was a beautiful line from the song. It gave me hope. And here I am writing about colouring outside the lines and about splashes of colour. Only now am I realising the recurring theme of "colour" throughout my day today. I know this is so random but it just hit me. Not sure if there's any connection here. Maybe it's just God giving me some much needed hope? Anyways....

Life is unpredictable. We can plan all we want but rarely do our plans play out exactly and perfectly as we had imagined in our minds. That's the beauty about life I guess; It's in the not knowing. It's in the little surprises that catch us off guard. It's in the "aha" moments after realising how God has saved you, once again, from your own foolishness. 

I want to worry a little less and just rest where God has placed me, also being cautious to not mask fear with "rest". Sometimes we do portray our fears as "waiting on God's timing".

Today's post is short and a bit all over the place, but I guess it 's playing out exactly how it's suppose to be: less structured. 

Here's to not putting pressure on ourselves to have everything figured out.

Cheers

Grace